dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
