just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
