i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
