well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you win again, gameday.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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