john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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