we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She bit a glass in half.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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