Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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