there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
