i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
