I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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