I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
