You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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