PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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