HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
