I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
