Got a toothbrush?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
