i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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