i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize