found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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