just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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