Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You pole danced in your parka.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
