So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
