Sorry, I don't speak sober.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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