Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
