every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
