Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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