you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
