is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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