Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
