when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
