he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
