i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
