Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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