she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is that strawberry winking at me??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
