Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
