The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Still dying that you shit outside
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
