who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
