If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
