Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
