Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
