So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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