So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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