Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
