Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
