just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
