I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got inside last night via doggy door
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
