I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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