You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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