Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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