I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
