I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
God, I missed his penis.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
