There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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