He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
