Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
