Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i think my cat just said my name.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
