I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
