my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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