No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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