is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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