i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
