you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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