im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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