so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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