I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
