fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
