it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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